


The Accident

by Heiko5151



Category: Rammstein
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-09
Updated: 2018-09-29
Packaged: 2019-07-10 01:37:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 31
Words: 9,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15939080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Heiko5151/pseuds/Heiko5151
Summary: This is a story about love and sadness. It is the first story I ever posted. I also mostly write disaster stories.





	1. Richard

"Where is it? I know it was against the door. Where could a guitar get up and walk off to.” I said.

I was having trouble finding my guitar. I was having trouble finding my guitar. Until I happened to hear Paul. I hid and listen to what he said. He had no idea I was listing to him.

"Do you think he will notice." Said Paul

"I would not mess with that if I were you. Richard is going to have a cow." Said Till

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH MY GUITAR?" I said.

"I was just..." Said Paul.

"NO, LEAVE ME BE. I DON'T WANT TO TALKI TO YOU OR SEE YOU. I AM SO MAD AT YOU.” I Said.

I stormed off with my guitar. Completely forgetting my birthday and not noticing a there is a note attached to the guitar I use for practice only. I put it in my room and got ready to perform in the US.


	2. Paul

I am sad and I wish Richard would have given me a chance to explain I was trying to be nice. Oh, well I wonder how long it will take him to notice  there is a gift attached to his guitar. Why, can't I focus so well? I just happened to look up and in the rafters and noticed there was a beam that was about to fall on Richard. I put down my guitar and took off running across the stage. I push him hard enough that he fell off the stage. I hope he landed on his feet. 

If that would have fell on him it might have killed him. In the process of thinking I realize I was standing where Richard was before and the beam crashed down on me. I blacked out.


	3. Till

Just when I thought the fighting couldn't get any worse. I saw Paul push Richard. That was not part of this act. I stopped singing as I heard a loud crash. I looked and walked over to where Paul was just standing and I end up saying to all this this is not a act or part of this show. 

He was stuck under a heavy metal beam. He was not moving and he was unconscious. I knelled down and that is when Flake, Oliver, and Schneider, walked over to me. 

They looked to where I was pointing. I was wondering if Richard was injured from the landing. I hope not. I was wrong. Paul, was not picking a fight. He was trying to save Richard. In the process he might have got himself mortality injured. I was looking at everyone and they were trying not to cry.

"Is he?" Asked Flake

"I am not sure. I hope he is still alive." I said. 

“How did he get over here? We have everything timed with the music?" Asked Oliver.

"He saw the beam about to fall on Richard and pushed him off the stage. I hope Richard didn't get injured as well." I said. 

"So, he had saved a life to end up in the same situation?” Asked Flake.

"Yes, that is right." I said.


	4. Richard

Whoever pushed me is going to get decked. At least I landed on my feet. Now I have to get back on stage. All at once I hear there is no singing and playing. I hear a announcement from Till sounding like he wanted to cry as he said this is not apart of this show. So, I take off running to meet them onstage. 

Till is kneeling by where I was standing on stage. Flake, Oliver, and Schneider was all standing by Till. I walked up to Till and the others let me through.

"What happened?" I asked.

"Richard, I am glad you are ok. I was afraid you got hurt also." Till said pointing.

I look to see where he is pointing and that is when I see Paul is pinned under a metal beam. I realized he is the one that pushed me not to hurt me but, to save me. I feel so, bad. I do start crying because I treated my close friend like crap. I hear coughing and look to see Paul is coughing up blood. Not good.

The ambulance finally shows up and the fire department. They free him and I go with them. The rest of the band stay and pack up things. They will meet me at the hospital. I still fell really bad.

The bad news is he does have to have surgery and might not make it. He has eternal bleeding, broken bones, and a punctured lung. I call his family who can't make it to the US and they told me to stay with him. They told me to keep them updated and make medical decisions. I didn't like that last one. So, they listed me as next of kin. So, it is my turn to make the decisions to save him. Let's hope I make the right choices. I would never forgive myself if I made one more wrong choice. I don't want to lose him forever I love him too much and never told him.

I can't stop crying. Till shows up and he hugs me. I tell him everything and that is when he goes out and gets something. He comes back in and he hands me my guitar that me and Paul were fighting over. That is when I noticed the evelope on the back. I took it off and it said.

Richard,  
I didn't forget my best friends birthday. Look in the guitar. There is something in it. Hope you like it. To the best friend a guy could have."  
From  
Paul🙂

Mind you my guitar is acoustic. I use it when I am not playing acoustic. So, have to take the strings off. That is when I realize in the guitar there is a package. How he got in there I don't know. I open it and it has guitar strings that are neon green. I also got a chocker necklace that looked like his. I cry I was mean and all he was trying to do was be nice. I hope I get the chance to apologize. I put on the strings and the necklace on. I realize there are two sets of green strings. I start playing and crying. Till sat with me the whole time. He is with me when the doctor comes to talk to us. They lost Paul twice and they brought him back. They still don't know the amount of damage the beam caused. We didn't know is he was going to make it. They stopped the bleeding, he wasn't breathing on his own, he was in a coma. We were aloud to go see him. I was aloud to stay with him  
The doctor handed me something. 

It was the same necklace I was wearing. I cried. I told his famly. I walked into the room Paul was in and sat down. Till walked into the room and sat next to me. He looked like he wanted to cry but couldn't.


	5. Richard

A few month have passed and there was no change in Paul's condition. I did nothing but sing and play my guitar. I sat on the floor and had I looked up and noticed none of this would have happened. I should have never got into a fight with him. Yeah good friend I am. I am a bad person. All this is my fault. I can't close my eyes without having nightmares about that day. 

I walk closer to Paul's bed and more or less talk to myself. "Why did you save me? Paul it was a dumb move I should have been under that beam. I know you ment well. But, at what cost. I have nightmares about that day. I am sorry for the way I treated you. I found the gift with Till's help." 

A nurse and doctor came into the room and told me they were going to see if he could breath. I was nervous. A million what ifs went through my mind and the good news his lungs healed. He could breath. I was so happy. I cried. I also told his family the good news. 

I sat back next to him and I continued mostly talking to myself. "It was a very thoughtful gift by the way. I was a terrible friend for that I am sorry. I don't know if you can hear me or not but I will gladly repeat if I have to."

I fell asleep for the first time in months. My head was on the side of the bed close to Paul's hand. I didn't realize it.


	6. Paul

I heard everything Richard said and I have heard everything for the past while. I have no idea how much time has past or how long I have been like this. All I remember is the beam about to hit Richard. 

Is it possible it fell on me instead? Is that what he possibly ment by at what cost did my stupid move cost me? He said that the beam should have fell on him instead. but I couldn't sit and watch that happen. It must have hit me. But, I wonder how bad it had injured me. I have heard Richard and a few others crying and the rest trying not to. It must have been bad. 

I am finally able to open my eyes and a nurse walks in and points at Richard. I shake head to let him sleep. She let's him sleep. But the doctor comes in quitely and checks me and smiles. He points to Richard and I shake my head. 

The doctor knew I had a idea in my mind to let Richard know I was awake. So as soon as they left the room I tried moving and I realized I could. I noticed Richard's head was on the side of the bed. So I put my hand on his head. He was snoring. I don't think that a fire could wake him up. So, the doctor came into the room and unhook me from everything. I tried to talk but couldn't. I could move everything but not speak. The doctor said that I was lucky. I almost died twice. He told me everything and we let Richard sleep. Good news if I was able to walk I could go home. But, my not talking might be permanent or it might not be. Only time would tell. I asked the doctor for my necklace back by indicating what I was trying to say. He gave it back and I put it back on. Finally a feeling of home and friendship. As small as it might be. He also said Richard barely left my room. He is a good friend even though he doesn't think he is. The doctor told me to push the button when ever Richard decided to get up. So, after they left the room this time I fell sleep with my hand on Richard's head. 

I felt movement and didn't open my eyes. I was waiting to see if Richard woke up. I felt him jump and grab my hand. I was trying not to laugh at him because I scared him. The light was on in the room and I saw he got very scared because he thought I was dead. I opened my eyes a little to see if he would notice he didn't. He laid his head back down and cried. I put my hand back on his head and he looked up threw tears. I sat up and wiped the tears out of his eyes we looked in each other's eyes for like 10 minutes. I don't think he believed I was semi OK. So I pushed the button and the doctor told Richard everything and he was sad. He still felt guilty. Why? It was all my fault. So, I was able to get up and walk. 

I was able to go home and Richard had called the band to meet us in Berlin and they didn't know I was OK sort of. I was glad to be going home. My family knew but, was told not to tell the band anything yet. I also found out I could still play but not sing.


	7. Richard

Thank goodness we are on our way home. Looking back at first I thought Paul died a few times. It was nice of him to have let me sleep when he woke up. But, he scared me. He had no idea I was going to take things that way. 

With the fact he can't talk and all. He was sad about that but I broke down and cried. I said how sorry I was. He just let me cry on his shoulder. I wondered how he could be so forgiving. So, we were about to our destination and I don't know how to tell them Paul became mute. I feel terrible the last thing he ever got to say was that he was trying to tell me about my birthday three months ago. So, we went to a bar and waited for the guys. Paul blended in with the patrons. A few minutes later Till, Oliver, Flake, and Schneider walked into the bar and looked at Richard. 

"Why, do I have a bad feeling about this?" said Till

"I really don't know how to tell you about this but..." said Richard

"Is he..." said Till

"No, he is alive it is just."

At that moment I noticed Paul come out of hiding by dancing to a song up to us and he acted drunk. He tripped and fell. He knocked Till over. Both were on the floor.

"Should I deck this person or what?" said Till

"NO, please don't he is a mute. He can't speak." said Richard 

Paul looked up at Till and Till and the rest of the guys huged Paul. "So, you can't talk. At least your alive. Can you still play?" 

Paul nodded and smiled for the first time scince the whole ordeal I told them everything and to help him we decided to go back on tour. Paul was happy.


	8. Paul

Two years had passed and we were doing a show in Germany and I was getting ready. I noticed a letter on my bed along with a gift. It was my birthday and I opened it. It was from Richard. It was a bracelet and a pick. I thought it was a nice gift. So, I wrote a thank you note to him. I put it on his door. So, I met with everyone else.

We were half way through the show when I noticed one of the pyrotechnics hit a metal beam above Richard. The beam started to come down. I put down the guitar and took off running and I pushed him and I out of the way. We landed close to steps. I was on top of him like a shield. The beam came crashing down. We were lucky I didn't push us down the stairs. All I could do was laugh as I got up. I then helped Richard up. 

"Are you OK Richard?"

"Yes, I am OK. I thank you for saving me again. Wait you spoke your talking."

Richard looked like he wanted to shout from the rooftops. I looked and the rest of the band ran to see if we were OK. "We are ok." I said

"You spoke." Till said. As they walked and went to finish preforming and Till let me tell the story of what happened and that I haven't spoken in two years until a repeat of that night. All of it and we continued.

I went to dinner and found the lights off and everyone surprised me and it was nice. Of my family and friends. But, Richard was nowhere to be found I took off to look for him. I hoped he was OK. After all the guy has alot of guilt and been through a lot.


	9. Richard

I was standing in a graveyard. I was thinking that could be me or Paul or both six feet under. I don't know how he noticed the beam not once but twice. But, I guess I am lucky and he is also. I sat on the bench and started to play guitar and sing and I thought only the dead could hear me. So, I thought. 

But I also heard the same song and someone else playing and singing. I stopped and thought it sounded like Paul. But, he had no Idea I was in the Graveyard or did he. For some reason I had a strange feeling. As the other singer and guitar player came closer I noticed I was right it was Paul. 

"How did you find me?" 

"Well I walked outside and took a walk and heard you. So, I wanted to thank you for the gift."

"I am a bad friend and I don't deserve to be your friend. Please understand you almost lost your life several times due to me. I would say your better of without me. Like one example was this afternoon. I don't want you hurt due to..."

I put down the guitar. I felt weird. I hope he doesn't think what I did as his fault. Right before he walked up to me I did something stupid. I passed out in the graveyard. With Paul standing there.


	10. Paul

I caught Richard but could barely help him down. I turned on my flashlight. I heard someone walk up behind me.

"Who is there?"

"Me, I am looking for you and Richard." said Till. 

"Till help me something is wrong."

"OK."

Till held the light while I checked Richard. I found quite a bit of blood. I kept looking to see where it was coming from. I took off his bracelet and found a big deep gash. Me and Till looked at each other. I grabbed a bandana someone gave me that was in my pocket. Till called for help.

"Please stay. If he makes it I am going to have to watch him. Not a word but I think this was a suicide attempt. Thank goodness I found him." 

"I know what makes you think it was a suicide attempt."

"I will tell you when he is safe."

The ambulance took Richard and me and Till stayed at the graveyard and looked around. I found the knife. 

"What is that?" 

"The knife he used to hurt himself. He blames himself for everything. He needs help. I think I can help him."

"Let's hope so."


	11. Richard

I woke up to see Paul's concerned face staring at me. I was wondering why he looked so sad. Then remembered that I just tried to kill myself. I failed like I do at everything. Paul got the doctor and he released me. But, not before I was told that I missed a artery. I had 15 stitches. Paul looked upset. He drove in silence.

I thought he was taking me home but no. He took me to his house and barred the door shut. He gave up the bed and slept on the couch. I found my guitar and bracelet. He must have found the knife. I am the worst friend ever. Why does he put up with it.

The next day I wake up to find Paul asleep in a chair he brought into the room. He must have been uncomfortable sleeping there. I am stupid. Why does he waist his time? Paul woke up and noticed I was staring at him. 

"Why, do you bother with me?"

Paul had a secret he kept from Richard that he already talked to his and Richard's family about they were happy if Paul's idea works. "Why because how about we go hiking and I will carry our stuff."

"Whatever."

"I will tell you why when the time is right."


	12. Paul

So we made it to the destination and the stars were coming out. We sat down. I decided now or never before he does something else stupid.

"The answer to your question I was upset with you. I am so glad Till found us and helped me. I would have lost it. I was mad at you. You are a wonderful person. None of this is your fault. Also I brought you here because the reason is I care. I talked to my family and yours and they are OK with what I am about to do. So, please don't get mad."

I help Richard to his feet and I kiss him. Yep I am going to admit this friendship became more. Richard stood there and stared at me.

" You love me? I can't protect you.”

"You don't have too. I messed up not you and yes I love you. I saved you because I couldn't stand by and let you die in front of me. You stayed by side when I had no one. You cried and lost alot of sleep. From what I been told I died twice."

Richard sat down and started to cry. "Please don't remind me."

I sat down and let Richard lay his head on my lap and cry. "Yesterday when you hurt yourself I was mad and hurt. I was upset because I found the knife."

Richard looked up and kissed me. "I do love you Paul."

"I want to know how I can help you. I love you too."

We looked at the stars for awhile and went home. That night Richard ended up moving in and I was happy. Now I can keep him safe. We both got the best sleep ever.


	13. Richard

I have a lot of guiltily feelings and Paul knows it and he has been trying to help me and everything. Good news my arm healed. It took a few weeks. I know Paul means well. He trys harder then anyone I know. I don't know what is the worst that can happen by letting him in. So, we got to play today and we made sure the metal beams were in place. We made sure they were not going to fall on my side. I am happy.

Me and Paul and the others were walking to the bar and they know about me and Paul. We finally had a good show in the US. We went back and that is were we are. So, we were crossing the street and all of a sudden I hear a weird noise. I have just enough time to push Paul out of the way. Everything went black.


	14. Paul

A car came out of nowhere when Richard and I was crossing the road. I had to see it hit him and not stop. I saw Flake call for help. I got down and checked Richard he was alive but hurt bad.

I went with the ambulance to the hospital. I sat in the waiting room as the doctor said it was really bad he had broken bones. Could not breath without help. They didn't know how much damage was done. But I was allowed to stay. Till met me and he was sad. He heard all the doctor had to say. Richard also lost a lot of blood and died twice and they brought him back. They stopped the bleeding with alot of stitches. I walked into the room and Till was with me. I looked a Richard and started to brake down and cry.

Finally Till broke down and sat on the floor. He started to cry. He didn't like to see his friends hurt. But this was worse then the beam falling on me. I sat next to Till and we cried together.

The next day I was sitting next to Richard. Mostly talking to myself. "I failed to protect you. I am sorry. Please don't leave. Please hang on. I know you saved me." 

I stayed up the better of four months I started having nightmares. Richard was finally able to breath on his own and the broken bones healed. He just didn't wake up. I was fearing the worst. I fell asleep with my head on the bed.


	15. Richard

I know it wasn't Paul's fault what happened. He was blaming himself. He had his hand on mine. I felt him. I could always hear them and him. They all cried. It must have been bad. I heard everything the doctors said. I know that sounded really bad. I was finally able to wake up. I saw Paul with his hand on mine and his head on the bed. He was sleeping. I tried to move and it hurt so bad. I decided to sit and watch Paul sleep. He was yelling in is sleep. It seemed he was having a really bad nightmare. I moved my hand out from his and I put mine on top of his. I squeeze his as hard as I could. I saw him jump and I passed out from pain. I could still hear him.

"I might have imagine you moved but I will get a doctor in case."

The doctor came in the room checked me and wrote on paper. Then left the room and a nurse came and unhooked me from everything else. I felt and heard that. Paul was silent. I couldn't understand why. After they all left Till entered. He walked next too Paul. 

"How is he?" said Till. 

"I am not sure. I thought I felt him move. I think he squeezed my hand. The doctor came in check him. They unhooked him from everything. They didn't tell me what that ment. Was this his way of saying Goodbye?" Asked Paul.  
crying as he left the room. 

I wanted to scream. No I am alive. I am here. I was trying to tell him I am here. I tried to open my eyes and I was able. I was looking straight at Till. He was looking at me.

" I see you are awake. I wonder why all the bad luck. Do you want me to go find him."

I tried nodding and wince in pain. "Just rest I will find him. I can still tell you hurt and while I am at it I will see if they can help you with pain." Till said. 

He walks out and a nurse comes in and ask me to try to move I try. She can tell I am in a lot of pain. So she gives me something for it. I fall asleep. But, not before I realize at this point all I have done is not say a word. I hope Till can calm down Paul.


	16. Paul

I was sitting outside the door not noticing anything or even hearing anything. I just wanted to curl in a ball until Till walked up to me. I didn't notice he was helping.  
"Paul come with me."

"OK."

We go back into the room and he motions for me to sit where I had for months. Like he knows something I don't. "Trust." Till says as he walks out.

Days later I am in my own thoughts when. I forgot I had my hand on the bed and I felt someone grab my hand in a death grip. I look and noticed Richard did move. This time he was watching me. I cried tears of joy.

"Paul."

"Please just rest."

"No, you need to know if it was you instead. You would have not made it. Your too small you would have been crushed. The car would have crashed you."

"You mean truck. I know and for that I am thankful. For me not to have to be crushed again."

I see Richard shutter and he didn't want to remember that. I kiss him on the head. "I couldn't see you go. I had a split second choice and it is not your fault. Please don't blame yourself I have heard everything all this time."  
I was shocked. He knew how everyone felt and he knew he had a long road ahead. It didn't make me feel any less bad. But, at least he wasn't alone. But, my question was why, why, why, all the bad things.

"I am here remember that."

Till's words ring in our mind trust. "I know."


	17. Richard

It took a year and a half before we could go home. I was finally glad to be going home. It was a quite journey we could have done without. So, when we got home every thing was dark and I turned on the lights. Everyone yelled surprise. It was a welcome home party. But I noticed something missing Paul. I had fun at the party and asked who's idea this was. I was told by Till it was Paul and his idea. But, mostly Paul's. Till just put it in motion for him.

We also get to go back making music with more being careful. After the party I went to look for Paul. So, I went to about everywere he went in town.

I had no luck. I was hoping he was OK he had been depressed and looked like he was about to have a nervous breakdown. I even went to some depressing places. I had no luck and went home. I it is like he fell off the face of the earth. I was getting worried that is when I noticed my cell phone blinking. I had forgotten it.

I read the message and cried. It read "If I had not been walk with you. You wouldn't have gotten hurt. But, trust me I love you and always will. I am sorry but, this is goodbye Richard and goodbye world. You would never find me. I am sorry."

Paul no please no. I laid in bed and cried. I cried myself to sleep.


	18. Paul

I just faked my own death to save others. I noticed a pattern and I wanted to find the truth. Till is the only one who knew my plan. I decided to learn to be a paramedic. Might as well. Also I am going to learn about all the accidents.

The time came and I passed. I graduated and Till was at the graduation I was happy. Now to find answers. So, I followed them. They didn't like preforming without me. There was only one who knew I was following them. I stop the person who was messing with the set.

They went on a swimming trip and that was when things got bad. I was watching them from afar. When I heard yelling that Richard got stuck and I went into action. I swam and I saved him. I had to do mouth to mouth and cpr he almost drown. But, I was wearing my uniform and he hacked up water. I was happy I saved him.  
He was taken to the hospital and the rest were waiting outside. I had clearence because I was a medic and for that I was happy. I was sitting there when he woke up. I was still in my uniform.

I finally said to Hell with it. I am going to be there no matter what. As I have always been. Even though I have been from afar. I still love him. I hope he still feels the same way.


	19. Richard

LI woke up to see a paramedic staring at me. I am guessing he is the one who saved me. I looked at him and he got the doctor. I was released. I remember being caught on fisher net. I walked into the waiting room and noticed everyone was standing there in shock. Except Till. 

"What is the matter." I said. 

"Nothing I just decided to have that paramedic walk you home. So, I hope you are OK with that. He looks like he has a story to tell you when you get home."

"OK." 

I thought that strange and everything else. They were hiding something. Who is this person. I looked back and he was looking at the floor. All I could see was his fire hat. He must work for the fire department. So, we walked in silence. I open the door and we both walk in. I sit down and pick up a picture of me and Paul. I just hug it. I miss him so, much. 

"I hear you have a story to tell? I get that you saved me thank you."

The paramedic helps me to my feet. I am wondering what is going on. The paramedic then kisses me. I drop the picture. Something about that kiss. I took the hat off the paramedic and I looked eye to eye. I passed out. He caught me. 

I woke up and realized I was not alone. I got up and got to the bed. "I wasn't dreaming was I."

"No, I am a paramedic and not dead. Please if you want to blame someone blame me and Till was the only one who knew I was alive. It was was my idea. I solved alot of problems by watching. But, I was always watching. I was on the beach when you about drown. I stopped the people tampering with the pyrotechnics. I miss my old job. I now have two. I never stopped loving you. As I see you never stopped loving me either. "

I got up and hugged and kissed him. I was so happy. He was alive. After all how could I not be happy. I was too happy to be mad at him.

"I am glad to have you back. Please don't leave me again." 

"I am not. Good news I am taking you on a little vacation tomorrow."

"where to?" 

"It is a surprise."

"Cool."

I got up and picked up Paul's hat and noticed something on the inside. It was the same picture as I dropped. I looked at him. I realized he must have been home sick. I was excited for vacation.


	20. Paul

I had a little surprise for Richard. I hope it was a good idea to do this. I have no idea the reaction I was going to get. We go to the same place I took him when I first kissed him and I sat and watched the stars with him. I help him to his feet. I kneel at my feet.

"Richard I have a question will you marry me?"

"Yes."

The next day we eloped and went on a sight seeing vacation. We had fun. We also adopted twins. Their names were Finnmark and Tillery. They were 10. So, they were happy they both had blond hair and green eyes. They both were German. We took them on on our sight seeing vacation with us. Only way we could tell them apart was Tillery had to wear glasses. 

When we did get home we did get their room set up for them. Till happened to knock on the door when we were in the process of still working. Tillery opened the door. Funny the kids knew who each of us was.

"No, way!" said Tillery. 

"Maybe I got the wrong house."

"Till, In here." I said. 

Till walked in. "Who, is that?" said Till. 

Tillery just happened to hear him. "I am Tillery. I am ten."

I decided to answer him better. "This is Tillery our adopted son. We got married and adopted him and his twin brother Finnmark. Finn is a mute and hides. We have been working with him."

We found out there biological parents abused Finn. He had nightmares. He always tried to hurt himself and had many suicide attempts. I felt bad for the kid. I just had to find how to help him. He seemed to be a good kid. Tillery got abused standing up for his brother. When we heard their story we cried and knew they deserved a good home with us.

"Poor kid."

At that time me and Till heard music. We both went to see were it was coming from. Richard also followed us. We looked and noticed both kids were trying to play me and Richard's guitars and I got the feeling they knew how to play music. 

"Can I borrow the kids for a few hours?" 

"Sure go ahead Till."

Till got the kids and they all left. I was nervous what he had in mind. I wonder what uncle Till had in mind for the kids. I hoped it was fun.


	21. Till

I decided to see if the kids knew how to actually play instruments. If so it might help them. The one just looked at the floor and the other was happy be going places. I could tell. 

"Can I call you uncle Till?" said Tillery.

"Sure. I forgot your name."

"Tillery."

"That should be easy to remember."

"Yes it should be."

"So, why doesn't your brother talk?"

"He was abused all the time when we were with our first parents. He hurts himself and tries to kill himself. He has nightmares. I was abused for trying to get them to stop. I was so glad when dad and dad adopted us."

Till knew they were safe now especially with Paul's recent training. The fact that he was very protective." Do you guys know how to play instruments?"

"Yes, Finnmark and I play guitar."

I took them to pick out a kid guitar for their size. The kids showed me they could play they played a few of our songs. I noticed Finn had a chocker necklace on and a bracelet that took up his wrist.

"What is with your brothers punk rock look?"

"Scars, dad and dad have not seen them yet."

This is bad. This is one child that has a lot of problems. I took them home after getting a guitar for them. They had one each. They played electric. Like their dads. Tillery thanked me and Paul put them to bed and came and met me. He could tell something was wrong. 

"What is it?"

"Tillery, told me about his brother. The necklace and bracelet Finnmark has on is hiding something."

"Till, Richard, come with me."

We follow him he picks up Finnmark without waking him and he brings him to the couch. He takes off the bracelet and necklace and the child has deep scars on his hands and his neck. He had suffered. He hid his suffering. Paul picked up Finnmark. Finnmark woke up to Paul crying. He saw us and he realized the necklace and bracelet was gone. He cried. Paul gave them back and the child put them back on. But, Paul held the child in his arms. 

"You don't have to suffer no more. We are not going to hurt you. We are not going to let someone hurt you."

They were still having a family time when I left. I felt bad for the kid. He didn't deserve this.


	22. Paul

I was taking a jog. I have found the boys can play like me and Richard. They are good. I felt so bad for the life they had. I did find their parents were in prison for life for two counts of attempted murder. They didn't want the boys. I was on my way to my second job when my phone rang. It was a call to respond to a call not far from where I was. I ran and I heard yelling. 

"Put it down."

No response followed. I ran up to the situation and I noticed a problem with the situation. They were children. Also the one had a sharp object. The other was trying to talk him into dropping it.

"Drop, it." I said.

I looked and noticed it was Finn and Tillery. Tillery was doing the yelling. "Please Stop." said Tillery. 

"Son, please, give it to me."

I go to grab the sharp thing from my son and instead it get stuck in my hand. I get cut bad not realizing it is a big sharp piece of glass. He looks at me and sees it sticking out of my hand and he sat down. He starts crying as I call for help because I start bleeding bad. I tell the kids to go home. 

I have to have 10 stitches in my hand do to my kid. Richard doesn't know yet. But, Till does. I don't know how to best help Finn. Richard sees me sitting on the floor in our room with my head down. 

"Bad day at work?" 

I look at him with tears in my eyes. He don't know the half of it. I showed him my hand. 

"What happened?" 

"I can't tell you."

I get up and walk into the kids room and sit down like I was in my room. I happened to look into the corner of the room and see Finn sitting on the floor. He was crying. He didn't look up. Tillery wasn't in the room. I put my head back down.


	23. Finnmark

I felt soo bad I didn't mean to hurt dad. I know he is probably mad and upset with me. I deserve to be punished. I grabbed my cell phone and did something I never did before. I wrote sorry. Dad looked up when he heard his phone go off. He looked and I saw the shock in his face. It was the first time I made any attempt to tell them how I felt. In the few months I lived with them. I Shocked myself by finding it easy to text him.   
He wrote back why son why. I told him it was because it was my nightmares. I relive every night what my parents did to me and Tillie. I had told him Tillie was with uncle Till. He told me he wanted to do something to help me. I cried. He got up and hugged me. He helped me up and we left the house. 

I was taken to a mental hospital. I wasn't mad. He could still see me and it was a few weeks stay. I hope his idea worked. He was so sad. He hugged me bye and told me he would see me tomorrow.


	24. Paul

I cried all the way home. I had to stop driving and gain composure. If I hadn't I would have wrecked. I didn't want to put him there. He left me no choice. I am living a nightmare from hell. I asked Till if he can babysit Tillie. Till was shocked I never once called the boy that. I stopped by Till's to talk to my son.

I walked in the door to find them playing yahtzee. They both could tell something was wrong. "Paul, what is wrong." said Till.

I didn't listen to him. I talk to my son. "Tillie, your brother is very sick buddy."

"How did you find my nickname?"

Tillie looked scared and  I didn't want that. "Tillie, I was sitting in your room crying. Your brother saw me. He started to text me and he told me everything. He apologized to me. I had to have him admitted to a mental hospital. How long has your brother been like this?"

"Always but the last few months it gotten bad."

At that point my phone went off and I looked at the number. I knew something was wrong when I saw who called me. I heard the most bad news. I knew I had to hurry. I got off the phone.

"Your staying with uncle Till for awhile. I just got a call they found something and your brother is doing worse. They found a mass on his brain. They don't know if he will make it. Do not say a word to dad."

I turned around to see Till trying to calm the boy. I felt bad. I drove and made it and they told me what they were doing. I sat and waited.

A day later at four am I got home and he made it out of surgery. But didn't wake up they are waiting. His surgery was really risky. He was in a bad way. I sat down and drank. I don't usually do that anymore. I was sitting in the boy’s room. I was crying and drinking. I failed to protect him.

I heard the door open and Richard walked in. He probably heard me come in. He hit the light and looked around and then saw me. He saw something in my hand. I had a whiskey bottle in one hand and Finn's necklace in the other. I was drunk.  
"Paul, what is going on."

"The day I wouldn't tell you about I got a call to a suicide attempt. It was Tillie trying to stop Finn. I go to try to grab the object and it is a big shard of glass. I had to have 10 stitches in my hand from taking it off him. I then sat in here and cried the boy started to text me. Finn started to text me and he told me sorry and told me his nightmares and everything. I took him to a mental hospital. Only to be told he had a tumor and they removed it and they don't know if he will live. He won't wake up. Tillie is with Till and knows all this."

I passed out at that moment I was too drunk. I was too drunk to know Richard carried me to bed. He was crying as he did. I was too drunk too know he called Till. I was to drunk to know I missed a call from the hospital. That Richard answered and I missed all of what happened.

I woke up with a hangover. Richard was crying. "I am sorry."

"The Hospital called last night and this morning."

We got up and left. We were in silence the whole time. We made it to the room. The doctor met us.

"I am so, sorry I gave you a update on the wrong child last night before you left. I am sorry."

Richard left the room and I sat next to our son. I felt bad. I sat my head and hand on the bed. I fell asleep. I felt a something touch me and I jumped. I looked and saw Finn looking at me.


	25. Finnmark

I look into my dad's eyes. I decided to try for the first time scince I was five to try to say something. "D-D-Dad?"

Dad Paul just looked at me. He got the doctor and I was released. On the way home I had heard both dad's talking and can't believe he brushed me talking off as imagination. I would have to say sad. They got my brother at uncle Till's. Then went home.

They put me to bed. They didn't want me moving around. I slept good. The nightmares and thoughts were gone.


	26. Paul

I was sitting by Finn's bed. At least he was going to make it. I was watching him sleep. He looked peaceful. I had been drinking every night. I would wake up with a hangover. When it did subside I did spend the day watching Finn. Richard would look at me and the worse part I could see his worry. I knew I hide it from the kids.

Three months later my hand had healed and Finn got better. I did not stop drinking. I hid it from the boys and sometimes Richard. My eyes were always bloodshot. I cried too much and withdrew from my family. I was in my office one day and passed out at my desk. I was on the floor. I didn't know I smacked my head. I had a nice gash and didn't know it. It was bleeding. I didn't feel Finn shake me. I thought I heard 

"Dad, can you hear me? Are you OK?" 

I didn't answer. I couldn't move. I think it was my drucken mind playing tricks. I never heard that voice before.


	27. Finnmark

Dad wasn't moving and dad Richard took my brother to swim practice. My brother was on the swim team at school. I was alone with dad Paul. I ran upstairs to get the first aid kit.

I ran back downstairs and I went through the first aid kit to find something to stop the bleeding. "Dad, please be ok."

I was tought in Scouts. I am the equivalent of a boy scout. I applied pressure and worked on stopping the bleeding.

When it finally stopped I cleaned the gash and I bandage his head. I hoped he was OK. I heard a noise. I just sat and cried. I heard my phone go off. It was dad Richard. I told him where I was. I told him what happened. He ran down the stairs and found me crying. He put his hand on my shoulder. He wrote it is OK. Did you give him first aid. I wrote yes. I learned in scouts. He wrote nice. He noticed some thing on the table and he needed my help.

He picked him up and carried him out of the basement and I followed him with the first aid kit. I noticed blood down his arm. I took off the bracelet and I got the stuff out of the first aid kit. I stopped the bleeding and bandage another big gash. I put the bracelet back on him. I know what he did. I laid on the floor and cried till I fell asleep. I was away from the bed. So, as not to get stepped on.


	28. Tillery

I was wondering what was going on. Then I saw Dad carrying dad out of his basement office. I could tell he was hurt. Everyone is so sad around here. I ran out the door and ran away. I ran away to uncle Flake's house. I knew they would not find me there.

He answered the door to find me standing there. "Tillery, what in the world are you doing here?"

I told him everything. He looked sad. He let me sit long enough for him to think about what to do. I curled on the couch and fell asleep.


	29. Richard

I realized I have not seen Tillery. I looked all through the house and found a note on his desk. Both kids had a desk. The note said that he ran away and that we would never find him. I freaked out and called Till. He said that he would call the band to help look for him.

A hour later I got a text saying Tillie was at his house asleep and that he ran away to Flake's house. I give him credit for being creative in running to a place I would not think. I texted Till if he could watch him Tillie until I handled a problem. He said that he could.  
I cleaned Paul's office and it wasn't fun. I found he had been drinking way to much. I also picked up the blade I found. I sat at the desk and had so many memories. One of him crushed under the beam. Another of him almost geting hit. Another of him saving me and several of him by my side. The wedding and the vacation. Us adopting the boys. We were loosing him. I sat and cried and I thought to myself as I did I am glad Finn did not find this but, I bet he knows.

I cleaned the remaining mess and sat down with my head down. I started to cry. "Dad, I am sorry. If you want to put me up for adoption I understand."

I jumped becase I heard a voice I never heard before. I looked to see Finn. "No, son. If you just spoke I am happy."

"I did. I have been trying to speak to dad. But, he thinks his mind is playing tricks on him. I know it is my fault."

"Son, no, Your our family. So you tried talking to dad before this happened?" 

"I said his name after I woke up and this evening I told him to be ok. My bad thoughts and nightmares went away. The tumor had to be causing a lot of it." 

I smiled and got up and hugged him. So, he is sweet like his brother. I then turned sad. I went to check on Paul and the boy followed me. I noticed he hadn't moved. I sat on the floor and cried. The boy ran and got me tissues. Like I said sweet boy.   
He sat next to me and cried. I didn't blame his brother for not wanting to be here. We both fell asleep me on the floor by the door and Finn by the wall on Paul's side of the bed. I was able to cover up the boy and give him a pillow before I fell asleep.


	30. Paul

I woke up and got up. I saw the boy against the wall sleeping. I picked him up and took him to bed. I tucked him in and I then walked downstairs. I sit at my desk and I put my head in my hands. I could feel a big bandage. Then I took the bracelet off. I noticed someone bandaged my wrist. Richard maybe? All I know is I am a mess. How did I get upstairs and how did I get this far gone?

I had been lost in thought and I didn't hear anyone come down the stairs. "Dad, are you OK?"

I look and it is the voice I thought I heard before. I turn around to see who it was and it was Finn. "You spoke."

"Yes, and it's not the first time. I spoke to you several times and you thought it was your imagination. Dad, The first time I spoke in five years was after I woke up from my surgery. I said your name. I spoke to you when I found you after you got hurt. I found you on the floor. I am the one who bandage your head and your wrist. Dad, please stop hurting yourself."

Finn started to cry. I got up and hugged him. He cried himself to sleep. I was where he could cry on my shoulder. I got up and put him to bed. While he was crying I heard him saying he was taught basic first aid in scouts. That made me proud of him. I tucked him in.

I went to go back to bed when I tripped over something. I got up as I heard, "ow!"

I got up and turned on the light to see Richard. "Richard, I am so sorry I didn't know you were there."

He shut the door and I could tell he was mad. His eyes were blood shot from crying. What have I been doing to this family. 

"Your son found you and the other one ran away to Flake's house. He is with Till now I hope your happy."

"No, I am not and I know all about all this."

"How?"

"Finn, told me and pleaded with me to stop hurting myself. He told me everything. I am so sorry Richard. Finn fell asleep crying on my shoulder. I Just tucked him in."

I walked up to Richard and kissed him. I am not going to be lost to this family no more. I am making a stand. I have a commitment to my family, to Rammstein, to being a paramedic. I saw Richard was looking at me. I got up and went to the bathroom and took the first aid kit with me. I took a shower and realized first day sober in months is starting good. 

I looked at the gashes I had and they were not bad enough to need stitches. I was able to fix it with smaller bandages. The boy ment well and did a good job. I then walked into the bedroom and saw Richard sitting on the side of our bed. He had his head down. I sat next to him and put my hand on his. He looked up. 

"I don't know what to do? You can't keep..."

I got up and kissed him. He saw I was smiling. He saw a light that has not been in my eyes for months. He saw me fight this.

"No, I can't. I saw the destruction."

I saw Richard smile. He kissed me back. He was so happy to see I was back. I finally didn't feel dead inside.


	31. Tillery

I got home the next day and noticed something changed everyone was happy. I could not tell what it was. I didn't try.

"Tillie, I am so glad you're home brother."

I looked at my brother I was shocked he spoke. It has been five years. I didn't know what to say.

"You spoke."

"I know I did."

I was so happy to have a family finally. My bother was well. We was safe what more could I ask for.

Story to be continued in book 2


End file.
